Updated: Apr 5, 2022
Here I sit, awake again in the middle of the night. It is 3 a.m. and my anxiety is beginning to rise. In a couple of days, I will be taking my daughter to the Netherlands for school. I’ve gone through this before with my older daughters and I know the drill. The anticipation of it is far worse than the actual goodbye. I know that I have raised a smart, independent, young woman who is more than ready to take on the world.
What is it about waking in the middle of the night that stirs up such magnified discomfort? I’m in awe of the contrast. One minute I am peacefully sleeping and then the next I am fully awake, going down the rabbit hole as my emotions take a stronghold over me.
As usual, I send up a prayer to my guides, guardians, angels, all beings of light, Great Spirit, Yeshua, Mary, the Arch Angels, and truly anyone who is up and will listen. I’m asking for help in pulling me out of my self-made hole.
On this night, as I am praying, a sense of calm washes over me. I feel a sacred hand on my heart. Gently, my Spirit begins to rise out of my body and I elevate above my bed, above my home, and above the earth. I don’t feel separate from my body but I am also not attached to it either. And yet, I am able to see and feel everything. I have this soft awareness that I have become everything.
I am the air. I am breath. I am my body. I am the earth, the trees, the sky, the sea. I am all of this. I. Am. All That Is.
I have no fear. I am gifted with a peaceful yet profound understanding that I am one with everything. I always have been since the beginning of time.
I am the I am. In this moment, I have a keen awareness of just being and only knowing the Now. The anticipation of a future or memory of a past is not relevant or even possible. Time is irrelevant. There is only now.
I feel weightless. My beingness feels like floating in calm water or an early morning mist that is softly rising. It appears like the colors of dawn. My physical body is now expanded into infinity. My consciousness is also infinite. I feel everything. I am awakened to all beings everywhere because they are now a part of me. I have expanded beyond a human understanding. The best way I can describe it is that it feels like a view of how God observes us. Every emotion melds into one experience and that experience is love. There’s an unbelievable sense of ease because everything just is. Judgment and fear do not exist. There’s no achieving. There’s no better or worse. All expectation is released. There isn’t a time or space for fear. It is the all that is and the all that is is perfect unity or perfect unitive consciousness.
This experience does not express euphoria either because that would mean there has to be an opposite or opposing emotion. It feels as if I just arrived into blissful acceptance and that I will always be in this constant state. I no longer have to strive to be anything else because there is a sustained knowingness that all is well.
During my experience, I was also able to scope out and observe all of the souls on earth, currently inhabiting a human body. They were bouncing around, bumping into, and intertwining within each other's experiences. Being a witness to humanity, while also being a part of humanity, makes me feel like it's no wonder souls are waiting for a turn to jump into a body. I was in awe as I witnessed the wisdom humans gain by navigating the contrast of emotions in just one single day. The beauty and insight we receive while on earth allow us to have such rich, tactile, and experiential understandings. As humans, we can feel, touch, laugh and cry. We can hold someone and also be held. It’s so profound to hold a loved one’s hand or be wrapped up in a beautiful embrace with heart pressed against heart. That is a pure, human expression of Spirit.
We as humans seem to experience our lives as being separate and individuated from each other but that isn’t the truth. Living in a human body makes us feel like I am me and you are you-that our encounters are divided. This is an illusion. Authentically, we are vibrational beings. We cannot help but intersect with each other at all times. You and I are one within Spirit. We all meld into one consciousness.
When we feel contrast in our lives, it is simply an expression of feeling different, divided, or apart from the whole. We feel separate from each other-separate or detached from joy, love, or maybe abundance. For me, it's a feeling of being out of alignment and fragmented from my Source. It feels like I have stepped out of the light and into the shadows.
The truth is-we always return back to ourselves, back to our oneness, back to center, back to our Divinity, and back into the light. Anything else is simply an illusion. We always are and always will be fully and unconditionally loved and connected to Spirit.
During this awareness of feeling The All That Is, there was only love. It was a constant. It was unconditional and inseparable. I was inseparable from my Divinity and from the Divinity of each and everyone and everything.
This experience I am sharing with you only lasted a few minutes. As I have reflected on this over the days following, I have been trying to step back and simply witness my relationships with love as a mother, daughter, sister, friend, wife, and most importantly, with myself.
Unconditional love is difficult to translate into human terms because of our fragile and oftentimes overpowering egoic self. I believe we like to think that the love we know and understand in human relationships can be unconditional. But the way society has conditioned us to look at and experience love, is it really? I would say the closest I have come to thinking I understand unconditional love has been as a mother. I simply cannot fathom that anything would disrupt this bond and my love for my children. I am also blessed with an incredibly happy marriage for almost 30 years. I deeply trust in this love with my husband. I feel very secure and grounded in our relationship. I love being in love with him. As much as I love this man, there are still variables that can upset this beautiful balance…BECAUSE…I have been socially and generationally conditioned, as most of us have, to look at love through the lens of emotion and action. If we must do something or be something or feel a certain way in order to give and receive love, this makes love a commodity. This makes love conditional. It is something that we must always tend to or it may go away.
The difference between my experience in this somewhat altered state and my earthly life with myself, my children, and my husband is that during this brief period, the veil was lifted and I experienced a constant and unyielding vibration that I am safe because I AM LOVE-not lov•ed, but LOVE. And that vibration of being love is the difference between love as an action and the full integration of love as a part of my being. It removes all conditions and all egoic illusions that one must do something in order to be love.
The truth is that love is not a commodity. Love is not finite. Love is not an emotion or an expression. It is not something that is given and received. Simply put-LOVE IS WHO WE ARE. This means we cannot be separate from each other. We cannot be separate from our Divinity. Love is pure coherence with our Divinity and that of each and every living thing on our planet and beyond.
So…I pose this question to you. Can you open your heart, your pure beingness, and wrap it around this truth? We absolutely must begin to view our experience here on earth through a different lens because we are united in everything, as one unitive consciousness. Anything below the vibration of love is just an illusion we have chosen to subscribe to.
Today, I ask you to please, please, remember who you are! Every thought, every word, every deed, and every action carries a vibration that is impacting each other and our planet.
You are love! Sit in the vibration of love and watch what happens. It will be absolutely magical! I promise!
After reading this, please take a moment in silent meditation and enjoy the pause. Begin to slow your breath down, taking deeper inhales, pause with your inhale, and move into a slow, steady exhale.
Bring your hands to your heart. Begin a mantra with your slow, steady breath.
I AM LOVE…I AM LOVE…I AM LOVE
WE ARE LOVE…WE ARE LOVE…WE ARE LOVE
WE ARE ONE…WE ARE ONE…WE ARE ONE
Bring your prayer hands from your heart to your third eye center.
“May you have peace in your thoughts”
Bring your prayer hands to your lips
“May you have peace in your words”
Bring your prayer hands back to heart center
“May you have peace in your heart and your actions”
Go forth to love and to serve!
Be the love!